HAVE YOU SEEN THE LATEST POLL!? BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING!
McCain is up by 5 points! Game Over Man! Game Over! We are going to get hosed man, we'red going to get hosed! The Sky is Falling! Dogs and Cats are sleeping together! Alligators will walk on their hind legs and eat small children and midgets! GAME OVER!
Unless Barack Obama does exactly what I say starting right now!
Roy Edroso looks back on Obama's first term in this satirical piece for the Village Voice. It's hilarious, if perhaps too close to home. How will Obama handle the inevitable rightwing lunacy? What if Bush bombs Iran after he leaves office? And will the girls ever get that puppy?
January 20, 2009: Barack Obama is sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. On an innovative "second stage," U2 performs; presumptive Secretary of the Interior Al Gore arrives in a hot-air balloon to deliver a PowerPoint presentation on climate change. Obama's Inaugural Address quotes Lincoln ("the better angels of our nature"), Kennedy ("The torch has been passed to a new generation"), and John Cougar Mellencamp ("You've gotta stand for something or you're gonna fall for anything").... Half of the media coverage is cautiously skeptical ("Obama's Tall Order," The New York Times); half is openly contemptuous, assailing the president's "airy generalities" and "wonkish specifics," his misattribution of a Ginger Rogers quote to Mellencamp, U2's lame performance, and the carbon footprint of Gore's hot-air balloon.
The following parody news story appeared seven years ago today. It was published and distributed by Yossarian Universal News Service (YU), the world’s first satiric news syndicate founded in 1980.
WORLDWIDE POLL SHOWS MANY BELIEVE BUSH TO BE MISSING GREY MATTER Pretend President Disputes Data And Tries To Cut Down Giant Sequoia With Plastic Spoon
Paris (YU) --A new joint survey released today, conducted by the International Herald Tribune and Yossarian Universal News Service, found that a majority of the world's citizens who were polled earlier
this month regarding their opinion of Presidential Pretender George W. Bush, overwhelmingly chose the word "lunkhead" when asked to pick a word that best described him.
The survey of about 1,000 people in each country is the first of its kind to measure the attitudes of the international community toward an American leader.
The good people of DailyKos have put together several excellent summaries of the plagiarism against John McCain vis-a-vis his recent "Cross In the Dirt" story from his days when he was serving our country honorably in the US Navy. If you haven't already, I urge you to check out their diaries here (rickrocket), here (TomP), here (Calouste), here (Throwing Stones), and here (Hesiod).
I don't have a lot to add to their breakdowns, but I thought since the McCain camp just held a hasty press conference in response I would post the transcript here for people who are following the story.
Hello. No real substance here but I thought many of us would enjoy WaPo's humor columnist Gene Weingarten's take on how the "liberal media" is handling Obama.
For those of you who don't know Gene, he was the man who hired Dave Barry at the Miami Herald and was his editor for many years.
Some choice passages from his column to whet your whistle:
Obama's Looks: What we have here is a man whom women swoon over, even though it is plainly apparent that he is a dead ringer for one of those long-faced, spaniel-eared Easter Island heads. There hasn't been this aggressively un-handsome a presidential contender since, I guess, Abraham Lincoln, the Great Emancipator, who single-handedly preserved our nation, binding its racial wounds, and who was also known for being an eloquent speaker. A really, really eloquent speaker. Hey, do you remember when Obama said, "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek"? Do you realize the amazing economy of words in that . . .
Hello, and welcome to "The John McCain Weekly Gaffe Report", a new temporary show dedicated to the countless number of horrors and blunders coming out the mouth of one John McCain. It's sponsored by:
I know, and I agree...politicians should stay away from Fox News. They're a vile, hateful, propaganda machine.
We're not politicians, we're actors and comics who perform satire. When asked by an employer to do an appearance on Faux Noise to promote an event? What do you do? Well, this is what we did...
It's Saturday night. I feel like having some fun.
Warning: if you don't have a warped sense of humor, you should probably go back to the home page now.
For tonight, there is not a liberal America, there is not a conservative America, there is the United States of America.
it’s just not enough
it’s not enough of Elvis whiskey decanters
Elvis toilet paper
Elvis condoms
Elvis impersonators singing Elvis songs
to Elvis fans
Elvis albums pitched on Elvis TV sets
to Elvis moonies
Elvis Cadillacs that travel Elvis highways
Elvis socks that fill Elvis shoes
Elvis snow skis with matching Elvis parkas
Elvis pill boxes stuffed with Elvis drugs
for Christ’s sake it’s just not enough
not enough of Elvis handguns
good-luck stick pins
disposable douche bags
golf balls
garage door openers
hideaway beds
and even poems like this that make you tired
it’s not enough of Elvis
it’s just not enough
We've all heard the names that are being thrown around: Clark! Kaine! Sebelius! Warner! Bayh! Biden! We've read the pundits reading the tea leaves.
But history tells us that candidates often make surprising VP picks. It seems clear to me that Obama will pick someone unexpected. And that someone will be...ESTES KEFAUVER
"Prose is a museum where all the old weapons of poetry are kept." -- T.E. Hulme
Words often possess latent power, but that power is wasted in careless use. The most potent source of word power is metaphor. The very word "metaphor" itself is metaphorical: it's Greek roots mean "to carry over". Metaphors do the heavy lifting (as it were) of persuasion.
This week, we will examine a common word that is almost exclusively used metaphorically. We will examine that metaphor in hopes of harnessing its power more effectively.
Last year I posted this diary in which I listed the most Exremely Annoying commercials. Prominent on my list was freecreditreport.com. And I won't plug them by linking them, because their ads are all over. You can't get away from them, whether you're watching TV, listening to the radio, or online. And there's even a new one.
Below the fold is a tribute to the persistence of this company with its misleading name in annoying us. Which will be followed by pooties.
As your time as the leader of our nation winds down; I thought I would write you to review the accomplishments of your historic tenancy in the White House. I know that you are taking a much needed vacation, after all, it was a really tough trip to China. Going to the Olympics in a repressive regime like China requires an attention to detail that only a truly great leader could bring.
The following parody news story appeared seven years ago today. It was published and distributed by Yossarian Universal News Service (YU), the world’s first satiric news syndicate founded in 1980.
BUSH FINALLY ANNOUNCES DECISION TO STAY ON VACATION FOR REST OF TERM Says All Embryos Are Tiny Christian Voters Who Must Be Baptized And Given Social Security Numbers
Crawford, Texas (YU) -- Claiming it was the most difficult decision he has had to make since he was forced to wear a suit and tie and give up drinking in public, Presidential Pretender George W. Bush announced today--after consulting with various experts in criminal law and country music--that he has decided to extend his current month-long vacation until either the end of his present term, or until he leaves office voluntarily, accidentally or with the help of an armed escort.
I know, I know, some people are grumbling about the two diaries a day about the LOLJohnMcCain project. And I understand that. But we've been getting huge hits, and great ideas, thanks to the DKos community. And while I know the pics earlier this afternoon were subpar, but I think these ones are great. And if you still disagree, email me with some of your own, at jordanzakarin at yahoo dot com.
Anyways, here's a short and sweet diary with some more LOLJohnMcCain pics, and I think these are some of the best we've done. We want to spread these all across the internet, to help make a joke of McCain and cement in some of the memes that he deserves to be stuck with.
So please, just recc this diary, maybe digg the pictures, and spread them to your liberal friends, and those who want to defeat McCain. Thanks everybody!
It was announced today that Senators Barack Obama have reached an agreement which will allow Hillary Clinton's name to be placed in nomination at the Denver,Co. convention. Senator Clinton's husband will speak on Wednesday evening after the VP nominee has finished his acceptance speech. It is expected the VP nominee will be former Clinton adviser, Mark Penn, but this has not been confirmed as yet.
Hillary herself will speak on Tuesday evening and thank her supporters for giving her more votes than the presumptive nominee. She will clarify that she is not using the word "presumptive" to imply that Senator Obama is presumptive but only to be timeline correct. She will respectfully point out that there will not be a roll call on the Presidential nominee until after her speech and of course we all remember that dark night in L.A. and RFK.
After pro-Clinton and anti-Obama demonstrations both inside and outside the arena have been allowed to run their course, Senator Clinton's name will be placed in nomination by her husband,Bill. There will be 18 seconding speeches, with each speaker representing one million of the voters who cast their ballots for her in the primaries.
